A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"Okay, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I didn't!"

*
Eighteen years in the future, Romeo Beckham gets the chance to play his first game for Man U.

"What number should I wear Dad?" asks Romeo

His Dad replies:

"Wear 4 out there Romeo"

*

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A young man walked up and sat down.
He had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, blue, yellow. The old man just stared.
Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically ...
"What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied ...
"Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot.
I was just wondering if you were my son."

*