I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
*
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
*

A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read: "HUSBAND WANTED, must be
in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and must still be good in bed! All applicants apply in person." On the second
day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or
legs. The woman said: "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you, you have no legs!" The old man smiled: "Therefore I cannot run around on you!" She snorted: "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently: "Are you still good in bed?"
With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile: "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

*

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be
gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on
the floor, laughing his ass off. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says:

"Make 'em all ugly again"